Relationships: Surviving an Affair and Making Long Distance Work

Even the best relationships can go through a rough time. Susan Wenzel, relationship expert is here to answer a few questions from our viewers.

 ‘’I  just learned that my partner has had an affair and she is pregnant and I don’t know if I am the father. I am devastated and hurt. I still love her and I don’t know if I should stay or leave.’’

This is a very complex question. The person must feel a very big sense of betrayal. The trust that you expect at the beginning of any relationship can be affected. Susan advises not to make a rash decision during this tough time. Take time to set boundaries and ask your partner for some space, giving you time to speak to friends and to seek counseling. Trust is such a foundational aspect of a relationship and the question is can it be rebuilt? You need to remember that relationships are very complicated. Nothing is black and white. The person might have been going through a depression, themselves needing time to heal. They might have just lost someone that was very dear to them. You don’t always know what is happening. It does not mean because you have had an affair that your relationship is over. You need to take time to heal, to grow and to work on those stories that you tell yourself such as I am not good enough and I will never love again. Work on those insecurities and then revisit that question of if I’m going to stay or leave. Really take some time to build yourself up as a person and find out what your heart is really feeling.

The next question for Susan is from a viewer saying she is worried that her partner will be away for weeks at a time for his job. She is asking if their long-distance relationship can survive?

 This can be a reality in today’s lifestyle for many couples. Our expert Susan suggest that the separation can be a positive time apart. If some couples fight when together they will learn to appreciate each other when reunited. However, some couples love to have each other close as their love language is needing to touch each other so it can be difficult. Either way you must learn to preoccupy your time such as learning a hobby, going out with your girlfriends or boy’s night or taking a course.  This does not have to be the end of their relationship. This can define you and you can grow from this.